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But this concert is worth a mention! I figured I had better document my post-concert high for all to enjoy!!!
When it was first announced that L'arc en ciel was coming to Singapore, there was a momentary state of disbelief before I ordered my sister to book tickets before tickets were sold out. Upon receiving said tickets, the feeling of bewilderment set in. My friends and I - plus a fair bit of other concert goers - knew about the existence of this band, were aware of its popularity, heard of their songs 10 years ago, but we were not die hard fans to the point where we kept track of their singles and songs produced. In fact, my sis and I knew only one of their songs (of which I only knew one sentence of lyrics which was in English). Comments from other concert goers reflected similar sentiments. My friend was puzzled as to why she had invested cash in a more expensive ticket when she did not know much of their songs.
It was undoubtedly to most ill-prepared concert the bunch of us had to date. There were half-hearted attempts to spam their songs at the very last hour before the concert but we just went ahead anyway. We did not even arm ourselves with a light stick.
I am what you call a 'calm' concert goer. I don't stand nor jump nor flail nor do much of what a rabid concert goer does (But I do sing loudly, wave madly and fangirl internally :D) Our tickets were the cheapest of the lot, which means that we were supposed to be positioned far back into the concert hall. In Singapore, people who are positioned at the back are not rabid, which means that a sizable portion will sit and look calm and basically re-enforce the stereotype that the Singapore crowd is not as enthusiastic as their international peers.
[Recently, I heard that Jakarta's crowd really brought the roof down with their awesome enthusiasm and coordination. The band would probably remember Jakarta's impressionable crowd among all the countries. I have also heard the same thing about how Singapore's crowd was not that enthusiastic blah blah blah. My sis, being a frequent concert goer to Jay Chou and Mayday, claimed that the crowd's response was far from great.Someone tweeted our Bangkok counterparts, informing them to provide the band with the best response ever as the Singapore crowd was not too enthusiastic. Others piped that Singapore's crowd and performance, while by no means the best, were tons better than their New York or Hong Kong counterparts *shrugs*]
Um well...by Singapore's standards, I thought we did pretty well already. We cheered like mad, moved, acted more rabid than concert goers 10 years ago. Sure, we were supremely uncoordinated, but at least the fan cams showed that we were having a blast.]
As to why we don't "seem" to be extremely enthusiastic (I truly thought otherwise actually), I would think that it is due to the country's culture of trying to be in control and not let our emotions run crazy. In addition, there are some fans who are die-hard purists who don't believe in overt appreciation of their idols/bands. Rather, they prefer to enjoy the moment by keeping still and quiet while carving the concert experience into their minds. I have friends like that, and quite a few who sat still throughout the concert were undoubtedly such purists.
In some sense, it is also a warped sense of being polite. A lot of concert goers at the back, me included, are deathly afraid of blocking our counterparts that are stationed behind us if we stand. (I stand at 1.8m. I will definately block someone's view.)
Apart from that, my health issues were rearing its ugly head again. Half an hour before the concert, my neck was giving me problems again and my head felt as if it was numbing and splitting at the same time. I could not stand if I wanted to, much left jump about lest my brain dissolves into mush and shut down.
So there are reasons why people don't go as crazy as others in a concert. Well, from the perspective of others (and of course the producers), it looks bad. And hence our stereotype.
Admist my head splitting episode, the concert started and I was blown away. Well technically, the first two songs were really noisy numbers and it did no justice to my head. By the third song however, when the pain subsided, I was able to enjoy the concert properly.
People, the entire show was awesome.
I entered the concert knowing one song and left knowing plenty more. The rock ballads - Anata and Hitomi no Juunin - were the best and their upbeat songs were excellent too! And Hyde's voice was solid. Here is a video on Seventh Heaven, Anata and Hitomi no Juunin that I got from youtube. For some reason, I have no idea why the second videographer did not film the big screen instead.
Hyde, donning on the hat makes you look like a black widow.
Hyde, the lead singer, has been the talk of the town for his androgyny. This guy has been creating complexes among many Singapore female concert goers and fanboys regard him to be pretty. He is 43 damnit. I don't get swayed by male idols easily, but I was slack jawed by his appearance when he first appeared and like any other concert goer, continued to stare at the big screen in flummoxed wonder for the next two hours. Allow me to explain the reason behind our captivation with Mr Hyde.
With the rise of KPOP (or in the past, JPOP), we tend to have a range of male idols who either bank on promoting their masculinity or shaping their appearance to look like women. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone likes masculine idols ( it is a turnoff actually) and men looking like women looks very strange when (1) they can't pull off the female look in a subtle manner (2) they adopt a forced female persona that could be as stiff as a plank - lead singer of SID for instance has a very blank visage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3tr58vK
Hyde presents the entire package of voice cum personality. He sways, twirls, fleets all while maintaining a largely staunch male behaviour and does all sorts of feminine willies that defines feminine masculinity (is there even such a thing?). Bloggers and news reporters have termed his behaviour in this concert as "flouncy", "flirty" or "sexy", but I would like to call it "alluring sultriness". It was his subtle habits, not his overt attempts at rousing the crowd with his antics, that attributed to such "sultriness" - the way his eyes flickers at the end of each song ; the way he slips back into that look of demure confidence after every emotional lyrical paragraph. He probably did eye flickering exercises for years but damn, he does it so naturally. We know it is a created persona but the moment he dons this female persona, he wears it as his second skin down to the subtle habits.
A 43-year-old father of one who is an amazing singer that alludes sultriness. What a feat.
Before I end my gushing, let me present to you a video on Hyde attempting to converse in English. (FYI, I rather Hyde speak in Japanese. :P)
Currently, my friend should be spamming L'arc en ciel videos to "stare at his pretty face." Am done spamming on my part :D After this concert, I am once again reminded that JROCK - and JPOP - is way better than KPOP!!!!! AHAHAHA!!!!! *runs and hides from KPOP fan's wrath*
Matta ne, L'arc en ciel! The next time you hold concert in Singapore, be it five to ten years down the road, I will definately arm myself with more than a light stick.
As we all know, Japan was and is still facing a triple whammy of tsunami, earthquakes and radiation threat. I am sure all of us were horrified when we watched the diaster unfold in front of our TVs. I simply can't - and do not want to - phantom the utter devastation on the ground lest it plagues my sleep. How are survivors going to pick the pieces when there is absolutely nothing left?
It's times like these that we have to be thankful for our own survival/lives/luxuries. In particular, I feel that Singaporeans should count our blessings for our country's geography. I recall that Singapore narrowly avoided the tsunami in 2004 that left body counts of over hundred thousands. Indonesia's geographical location shielded Singapore from the line of fire. Otherwise, the entire country would have been submerged under water. 7 years after the 2004 Tsunami, when my brain is significantly more developed, severity of Singapore's environmental vulnerability hits home hard.
And the radiation threat in Japan just leaves me #$%^&*( with the nuclear ambitions in the region, Singapore included.When we talk about high risk of nuclear plants, we aren't talking about the high possibility of it going wrong. It is the utter chaos and devastation that the 1% could bring. Experts keep harping about the former when it is the latter that is crucial damnit. Regardless of how the deluded experts think they have it under control, the fact of the matter is that (1) man/the system is flawed and (2) we are playing with fire - only this time, the fire could cripple the entire country permenantly. With manpower as one of Singapore's scarce resources, I don't think it is very wise to let your country's prime resource to die out completely within a generation should any nuclear mishap occur. And to drive an old message home, Singapore is barely a red dot on the map. A radiation cloud is enough to shroud the entire population. And even if Singapore doesn't pursue the nuclear option, Indonesia and Malaysia are on the path of pursuing their nuclear ambitions... ... You know, I am not sure if I want to have children anymore. Why bother sending them to a horrible future of natural and nuclear diasters? I understand that energy crisis is an issue and the situation at Middle East is as volatile as ever but still...
We humans are really asking for it. Plenty of diasters are of our own doing, and to think that the day has come where we have to wary of the air we breathe.
And as an added note on Japan's nuclear crisis: even if radiation goes out to sea, we are still going to have radioactive seafood for the next few decades.
Some have been questioning why the sudden empathy for Japan's diaster when destruction and devastation occurs all over the globe unreported. Some have been digging up WWII actrocities. To address the former, I guess it is how the media works. Our worldview is shaped by whatever is reported on the media. That's the unfortunate truth. Besides, a lot of us are awed by the civility in Japan that will never be witnessed elsewhere in the world. I know the Japanese, like any other citizen, were bemoaning the accumulating social ills of their society. But crisis shows a country's character. I swear, if Singapore sinks into crisis, there will be a lot of undesirable behaviour going around. Want us to emulate the Japanese civility? Impossible.
As for the former, WWII is a tragedy and a horrifying event. The fault and condemnation lies with that generation. This current generation deserves sympathy. Period.
Anime fans have been urging each other to purchase more Japanese anime/pop culture merchandise as a way to stimulate Japan's economy. I can't agree more. As for donations, I am going to trot down to the Red Cross in a couple days time. Hopefully, most of the funds go to diaster relief (and not adminstrative cost).
Title: In Living Memory
Disclaimer: The usual
Extra note: I know I’m suppose to work on Wrath of Sorcerers. Forgive moi!
Despite the fact the world was turning into a blurry, swimming mess, her mind was still undoubtedly lucid - much to her dissatisfaction.
Emptying her umpteenth glass of booze, she slammed her fist against the counter and ordered another half a dozen glasses.
Anything to dull the ache, to provide temporary relief to the perpetual sorrow that was threatening to consume her whole.
“Taichou…” Matsumoto murmured, swirling the ice in her fresh glass of booze. It was not before long when emotions got the better of her and she was reduced to a mess of drunken sobs.
Her companion stared helplessly at the familiar image of his wreck of a friend. Cancelling her remaining orders, Renji lifted Matsumoto’s sobbing form onto his back and made his way to the tenth barracks. None of the bar patron regarded this scene with novelty. A pattern was established a fortnight ago, where Matsumoto-fukutaichou would crash out in the bar with thrice her usual alcohol consumption and Abarai-fukutaichou would haul that deadweight back to her quarters.
Every time he trekked down the cold streets of Gotei 13, Renji thoughts would always revolve around the cause of his friend’s misery.
Exactly fourteen days ago, Soul Society received news that Hitsugaya-Taichou was missing in action. He had disappearing into thin air during his weekly patrol in the Rukongai districts. It was reported that alongside with a mass of reiatsu from two Espadas, faint residual reiatsu from the traitor Gin was also detected at district 61, an area where Histugaya-Taichou went to track enemy activity. Hitsugaya-Taichou most likely battled against them and lost in the face of overwhelming odds.
His body, however, was never found.
Speculation in Soul Society was rife. Either Hitsugaya-Taichou’s body was thoroughly disposed, or he was held prisoner at Huendo Muendo - neither of which boded well.
Matsumoto woke up four hours later to a splitting headache and the sound of incessant buzzing. Cradling her pounding head, she blearily noted that it was probably in the middle of the night with the moon clearly visible and all; and there was an abnormally powerful gale out there rattling the office windows, threatening to tear off their hinges.
Another round of buzzing broke her out from her revere. Groaning, she stumbled towards the source of the noise with full intention of ridding it before slumping back to her bed and nurse her massive hangover.
She could not help but stare at the vibrating hand phone after rummaging her closet for a good half a minute. The phone was virtually untouched in soul society, only utilised during missions to the real world. She was pretty certain that the battery was flat. The last time she came back from the real world, she was too lazy to charge the hand phone, opting instead to toss it into her closet, slump over the couch and pass out.
Post-alcohol induced brain did not allow the luxury of critical thought. Damning her suspicions, Matsumoto flicked open the phone and answered.
The reception, Matsumoto grumbled inwardly, sucked, with what seemed to be a fierce wind howling noisily in the background and -
“Matsumoto.”
The tenth vice-captain froze instantly.
That voice.
Orbs widening, Matsumoto plastered the phone against her ear the fog in her mind cleared in an instant.
“…Taichou?” Matsumoto asked in a deathly whisper before relief unleashed her previous emotional burden, “You’re alive!
“Matsumoto,” Hitsugaya’s seemed distant, his usual baritone partially masked by the howling noise in the background. Upon hearing her pelting a flurry of questions, he voice took a firmer tone,“ Matsumoto. I’m dead.”
“Dead?” Matsumoto’s mind came to an absolute standstill, her surge of relief giving way to bewilderment, “Taichou… What do you mean? You… you are talking to me right now…”
“I… I’ll be around for awhile.
“Taichou. What are you talking about?”
He was not making any sense. He was not dead. He was talking to her damnit. How could the dead still be alive? What happened-
The sudden clarity of a single fact stood out against a whirlwind of questions, confusion and aggravation; and Matsumoto momentarily forgot how to breathe.
“Gin,” she asked breathlessly, “It was Gin who did this to you.”
Her response came in the form of jarring static from turbulent winds before a dull beep signalled the end of the call.
“I heard him Renji.”
Renji stared helplessly at his good friend. She has been harping on it for days now.
“You have to believe me Renji,” Matsumoto pleaded, clutching her beer mug in a death grip, “I know it sounds crazy but Taichou called me. He really did!”
Renji considered putting across nicely to her for the fifth time in days that it was not possible as Hitsugaya-Taichou has passed on, followed by Matsumoto insistence that her Taichou had called her on that night where ‘we were drinking a couple of days ago, remember?’ and he will counter with mild exasperation that it was probably – definitely – the alcohol screwing around with her brain, before it dawned upon the red-haired Vice-captain that he refused to witness that crushed expression of hers nor hear that voice laced with desperation any longer.
Renji opted to remain silent. That resigned countenance resurfaced as she took the first of her many swigs of liquor –again- for that night, for the following nights.
“People think I’m crazy.”
Unohana paused, before resuming her diagnosis.
“Indeed they do. That’s why they sent you to me to obtain a psychiatric evaluation,” Unohana replied evenly, “However, the only obvious problem is that your liver is undergoing much stress. Please cut down on your alcohol consumption, Matsumoto-fukutaichou.”
“Do you believe me then, Unohana-Taichou?”
Momentary silence ensued. Wrapping up her medical report, Unohana placed her brush down and focused her attention on her patient.
“I have a hypothesis.”
Matsumoto snapped to attention
Unohana spoke of a real world analogy, of hollows and ghosts who lingers between the living world and the dead, of those who linger due to strong emotional attachment, of those who died but have never passed on
The healer wondered what if, Hitsugaya-Taichou’s situation was somewhat similar, with more severe repercussions.
Hollows in the real world were borne from immense emotional turmoil at the time of death. Yet, Unohana tone was laced with certainty, it definitely took more than just emotions to sustain a ghost – ghost of a ghost, since the shinigami are already dead- in Soul Society, or the afterlife would be swamped with dead soldiers.
The additional factor would probably be a burgeoning reservoir of unexpended reiatsu that only a captain could possess.
Mouth pulled into a grim line, Unohana suspects a sneak attack, one that caught Hitsugaya-Taichou by surprise and brought out intense emotional upheaval at the point of his death.
His body was not found, and if they crossed out the option of abduction as there had been no news from the enemy after such a long period of time, death was the likely avenue.
She attempted to reconstruct Hitsugaya-Taichou’s last moments. A quick battle, one that ended early into the difficult battle against two Espadas. His defeat came from a sneak attack by Gin who dealt the killing blow swiftly. Hitsugaya-Taichou’s vital organ could have been impaled by Gin bankai, which was able stretch for miles in a blink of an eye.
The realisation of Gin’s sneak attack would have driven Hitsugaya-Taichou over the edge with rage. In that instant, distracted and half a foot into death’s door, he must have met with some sort of great explosion – multiple point blank ceros – that left no trace of him.
To say that Hitsugaya-Taichou’s elemental-based reiatsu was the sole reason for his return to nature upon death was simplistic to say the least. Grimly, Unohana rationalized that the combination of his massive reiatsu and emotional turbulence retained his consciousness among the mass of soul particles that was once his body at upon death. Since soul society was comprised entirely of soul particles, it would be safe to say that he was in one with nature.
If Hitsugaya-Taichou went down in a fight against Gin and the Espadas after expending a considerable amount of reiatsu, he would probably have passed on like any other soldier. Unohana hypothesized that the massive residual power sustains his consciousness, that he would be alive even in death.
Matsumoto’s head spun with the healer’s far-fetched hypothesis. It was filled with many assumptions and possible fallacies, yet she felt inclined to believe every single word.
Then, without any warning, her face gained an evident shade of pallor as minutes past. It was only after Unohana voiced her concern, that Matsumoto found her voice and asked hesitantly, as if afraid of confirming her worst suspicions.
“How long will this condition persist till his consciousness fades out?”
“I’m not certain. Until his residual powers expire. Given his massive elemental prowess, it could be years or decades or centuries or even…”
“A millennia…” Matsumoto whispered, eyes widening in shock.
“It is just speculation,” Unohana assured, yet her tone implied otherwise, “A wild guess of mine.”
“To request for participation in the assault with your mental stability is ridiculous,” Mayuri sneered , voicing his disapproval in that dull baritone of his, “I’ve been told that you’ve been hearing things, or the voices of your captain. We certainly don’t need a mad woman on the battle field.”
“With all due respect Mayuri-Taichou,” Matsumoto seethed, resisting the urge to drive Haineko through him, “I wasn’t hearing things.”
The twelfth division captain ignored her as he clicked his long fingernails impatiently against the tabletop, “Unohana-Taichou, surely such unstable shinigami be taken off active duty, much less retain her vice-captain position.”
“She may have experienced certain emotional issues, but there is nothing wrong with her mental stability,” Unohana response was coated with a tone of finality.
The sudden slamming of Yamamoto’s cane against the ground silenced the clamour instantly.
“Other than Matsumoto-fukutaichou, the rest of you are dismissed,” Yamamoto commanded as he trained his eyes on the Tenth division vice-captain.
Obeying his command, the Captins filtered out of the hall as Matsumoto remained in her knelt position before the seated commander, bearing the weight of his heavy gaze.
“Since the tenth division lacks a captain, I expect you to demonstrate competency when you head the assault team for your division.”
Matsumoto failed to mask her astonishment. The commander continued, speaking with wisdom that came with age, “You are first and foremost a soldier of Sereitei. Do not let your emotions cloud your judgement on the battlefield.”
“SouTaichou, you… you believe me?”
Upon witnessing his darkened gaze, Matsumoto gained an abrupt realisation. Who else to understand her Taichou’s plight than a fellow Elemental who bore the same price for wielding great power?
Wordlessly, she prostrated, forehead in contact with the ground for a good ten seconds before standing erect and leaving the hall with another formal bow.
Yamamoto watched the departing figure for the longest time. His brows creased as he felt the weight of the world on his old shoulders.
“Young one,” the grip on his cane tightened, aged voice with undertones of forced conviction, “we will emerge victorious.”
An afternoon draft entered through the crack between window planes, bringing welcome relief from the warm weather - but he knew better.
Even though he had governed these lands for several millennia, it seemed like a whole lot longer.
Gin’s grin faltered briefly as he studied her.
His Rangiku of the past would waver in battles against him, with her attacks constantly dulled by hesitation, tied down by chains of their past.
The woman before him was a different story. Orbs blazing with barely smouldered fury as her reiatsu pulsed with agitation, it struck Gin how feline she looked - predatory gaze carrying an underlying intent of shredding her prey pieces.
Beside her stood Ukitate, Sougyo no Kotowari in his hands ready for a slaughter.
“Supposed you’re still pissed about lil’ Taichou,” Gin drawled as a creepy grin stretched across his face, “Gomen ne Ran-chan. Superior’s orders.”
Matsumoto stared at the traitorous ex-captain. Despite their past acquaintance, she was still largely unable to understand that enigma she considered a friend.
Rage and frustration accumulated from past hectic weeks threatened to burst into overdrive and her eyelids fluttered shut for some semblance of control.
It was time for a clean break.
“You’ve condemned Taichou to a fate worse than death,” Matsumoto voice adopted a steely edge as she readied into a battle stance, the last of her lingering regrets towards Gin dissipiating instantly, “Gomen Gin. I’m afraid you’ll have to forfeit your life.”
The aftermath of the war sparked celebrations with plenty of drinking parties scattered throughout Sereitei. Matsumoto rejected invitations to parties, opting instead to drink in the confines her division’s office. Concerned for Matsumoto’s well-being, Renji chose to skip the celebrations in favour of joining his drinking buddy.
Watching her drinking solemnly on the couch, Renji could only hope that Matsumoto would get over the loss of her captain with time.
A loud buzzing pierced through the silence – and his thoughts – like a hot knife through butter.
Matsumoto’s reaction was instantaneous – leaping off the couch, she sped towards the work desk and answered the handphone shakily upon retrieving it from the drawer.
“Matsumoto.”
Ignoring Renji’s stunned expression as Hitsugaya’s voice rang in the stillness of the room, Matsumoto bit her lip as she gripped the phone tightly. There were plenty of things she wanted to say and ask – about Gin, the war, the division. But those seemed trivial as compared to the question that has been plaguing her mind.
“How long will you…”
“This is the last time you’ll be hearing from me.” Hitsugaya interrupted, purposefully evading her question, “I shouldn’t be contacting you in the first place.”
Faced with the fact that she was never going to hear from him again, Matsumoto paled while engaging in futile attempts to phantom how intensely lonely he would be, lingering on for eons with no one acknowledging his existence. Lost in grief over his fate, Matsumoto made a promise.
“I’ll never forget you Taichou. Never.”
A pause.
“Thank you, Matsumoto.”
The number faded off the screen.
Numbly, she barely registered the phone slipping out of her slackened grip. To her side, Renji gaped incredulously.
“He… Hitsugaya-Taichou really…”
The dam stemming her flood of emotions broke. Matsumoto buried her face into his chest and dissolved into anguish sobs as her friend struggled to comprehend the enormity of the situation.
For centuries since her ascent into the seated ranks, Matsumoto-Taichou’s reputation was synonymous with vice. Frequent bets organised by testosterone charged males ranged from perceived sexual exploits to chest size
The last two hundred years however, saw Matsumoto-Taichou’s reputation plunging in a totally different direction involving her sanity.
Indeed, soul society had her fair share of questionable appointments of captains, with Kurotsuchi-Taichou topping the charts of the resident psychopath while Zaraki-Taichou’s insatiable thirst for blood deemed him to be more beast than shinigami.
Despite their twisted personalities, they were admittedly entrenched in reality.
Matsumoto-Taichou was schizophrenic.
Word has it that she talks to dead her Taichou who died two centuries back, conversing as if he persisted in the realm of the dead.
It was said that her appointment as captain a hundred and fifty years ago was controversial and highly contested. In response to the clamour, Unohana-Taichou gave her a clean bill of health – though incredulous, the shinigami knew better to question an acclaimed healer’s judgement. SouTaichou justified the appointment through her merit by slaying that traitor Gin. Ukitate-Taichou and Kyoraku-Taichou, placing their faith in their sensei, backed the appointment.
Renji-Taichou was glued to her hip, jumping into her defence to anyone who dared to voice their dissatisfaction.
Overt dissent was stemmed instantly, but it did little to quell rumours.
It was such rumours that made Ichikawa Ryosuke curse his ill luck vehemently as he stood in an empty Matsumoto-Taichou’s office with great amount of trepidation. The door was flung open and Matsumoto-Taichou entered in her infamous glory. Unsurprisingly, Renji-Taichou tagged along thereafter.
“Neh Taichou, this is the newest recruit I was telling you about. Ichikawa Ryosuke, our new eighth seat.” Matsumoto spoke casually as she strode past a shell shocked recruit whose eyes were enlarging to the size of saucers, gesturing to nowhere in particular, “He graduated early, skipped a couple years. We seem to get all the smart ones in our division. ”
The dazzling smile flashed towards him sailed over his head as he witnessed with alarm the one-sided conversation between Matsumoto-Taichou and her deceased Taichou. The Tenth division captain’s mental instability was notorious even among academy students. Predictably, the tenth division, along with the twelfth, was the least popular choice among graduates. While he really wanted to enter the thirteenth division, allocation of graduates was decided by the captains. His posting the Tenth was highly unfortunate.
Renji-Taichou glaring daggers at him, hand hovering above his sword, indicating that any unfavourable reaction from him would be swiftly met with Hihio Zabimaru.
Gulping audibly, Ichikawa hastily matted self-introductions before excusing himself as he made a quick exit to the division’s staff quarters, where he would meet with the other seated officers who would assure him that he would in time get used to her eccentricities and besides, she was really a fantastic Taichou - cheery attitude, free booze and all. It’s too bad she never got over her previous Taichou, but hey, that’s the epitome of loyalty for you.
Ignoring the fact that she had just scarred her newest recruit, Matsumoto flopped onto her armchair, loudly commenting that ‘Renji has been ignoring you recently right Taichou?’ before looking at her good friend expectantly.
Renji twitched.
Even after two hundred years, Renji was still highly uncomfortable to engage in this warped conversation. It was only behind closed doors and much prodding from Matsumoto did he crank the gears of his jaws.
“Erm hi Hitsugaya Taichou…” Renji trailed awkwardly, blatantly ignoring Matsumoto’s boisterous laughter, “We are pretty fine here… Hinamori is applying for captaincy and Matsumoto is a slob as always.”
“You are not writing a letter Renji. Taichou knows perfectly well what is happening.”
“Well I’m not very good at this,” Renji responded irritably before his head snapped in the direction where a hell moth flew in. Landing on his perched finger, the hell moth conveyed a long message that had Renji’s visage darkened visibly.
“It’s that Vice-captain of mine bitching about some shit again. He should have died young. At least he wasn’t a frickkin’nag then.”
Kurosaki Ichigo passed on when he was fifty-five, became a seated officer at the age of sixty and was made vice-captain at the age of hundred and thirty. It was a priceless moment of hilarity when he towed an indignant Renji into the joint Captain-Vice-captains meeting on the first day of his appointment, apologising to all for his Taichou’s incompetence and proceeded to berate an astonished Renji in a Nanao-like fashion on responsibility.
Fatherhood and age could change a man, even if that man was a hot-headed and sloppy individual during his teens.
Dismissing the hell moth, Renji annoyed gaze fell onto his drinking buddy, “I’ve to go before Ichigo kills me with his nagging. See you later Rangiku... Hitsugaya Taichou.”
Goodbyes to Hitsugaya-Taichou, in Renji’s opinion, were the easiest.
“You would think that after all these years, Renji would be a lot more comfortable talking to you,” Matsumoto pouted as she rummaged for alcohol to cope with the impending monstrosity on her desk.
“Don’t drag others into your madness Matsumoto. Abarai has more than enough on his plate.”
Not for the first time, Matsumoto wondered if she was finally spiralling into the abyss of insanity.
A month after the war had ended, Matsumoto decided to a one-way conversation with her Taichou in a bid to kick-start her remembering-Taichou’s-existence campaign.
It was extremely difficult initially, not to mention awkward, to sustain a one-way conversation. While imagining his response was supposed to be a lot easier to facilitate an ongoing conversation, the process of fabricating it, much less perpetuating her Taichou’s response for life, was not a walk in the park.
As such, she was on a lookout for some sort of non-verbal communication by Hitsugaya – which never came. Of course, she was not that off her rocker to assume that any breeze, rain or snow was some sign from her Taichou, but some form of acknowledgement would be great. Twenty years into her campaign, Matsumoto asked in exasperated jest for some sort of response damnit since he was supposed to be part of nature or something, and she could imagine that raised eyebrow of his as a sardonic reply of ‘What, you want hail every time I agree with you?’ came a good ten seconds later.
It took her a couple of decades for the conversation to flow naturally. Her fabricated responses reflected Hitsugaya’s character with startling similarity overtime, where his indignant yells would echo the hallways of her mind, sending her into fits of giggles as shinigami around her would chalk it to her growing insanity. But regardless of the fluidity of their conversation, Matsumoto was clearly aware that his responses were concocted by her brain.
These days however, it was getting increasingly difficult to distinguish between reality and her figment of imagination.
The day she perceived her Taichou’s replies to be really his…
“Oh god, I swear that pile of shit multiplies everyday. ”
“Well for one, “ Hitsugaya-Taichou said dryly, “ I actually did more than my fair share of paperwork instead of dumping everything on my Vice-captain, who was and utterly is still useless in the paperwork department.”
“Rub it in Taichou.” Matsumoto scowled, briefly aware of her Vice-captain’s arrival, “My way of dealing with paperwork utilises resources more efficiently. Isn’t it, Gosuke?”
Probably resigned to his paperwork fate, Gosuke merely relieved Matsumoto of her paperwork with mild disdain.
“Productive as always. I trust that my stress relievers are stocked too.”
“If you mean your alcohol Matsumoto-Taichou,” Gosuke replied dryly, “Your cupboards are bursting with them.”
“Why were you appointed as captain again?”
“I place great emphasis on division welfare Taichou,” Matsumoto replied Hitsugaya before re-focusing her attention on her vice-captain, “Kyoraku-Taichou has kindly given us several crates of fine alcohol. Distribute them to our guys will ya?”
“The last time those idiots went roaring drunk, complaints against the Tenth doubled. If you even recall.”
The pair bantered for a good four minutes before Gosuke interrupted them, reminding his Taichou about her mental health check-up in an hour’s time.
Held every decade, the sanity test was a compromise in exchange for Central 46’s recognition of her captaincy. As long as she replied to the questions and showed –fabricate / lied - that she was aware that the voices in her head were just a figment of her imagination , she was cleared for active duty.
“Matsumoto-Taichou. Hitsugaya-Taichou ”
Stepping out of the barracks, Matsumoto flicked her hair in annoyance as she pouted and grumbled, “Mou, I wonder when I will stop taking these stupid tests. It’s annoying.”
“Simple. Just stop talking to dead people.”
“You’re not dead Taichou,” Matsumoto replied harshly, mood nose diving all of a sudden as the conversation took a familiar turn upon broaching a sensitive topic. Her outburst sent plenty of the newly-minted shinigami scurrying back to their respective divisions in fright after having witnessed the notoriety of Matsumoto-Taichou first-hand. Long past caring the opinions of others, Matsumoto continued to voice out her displeasure, “You are stuck like this and you won’t tell me how long you’re going to… to persist in this state!”
It took much difficulty this time around with fluctuating emotions clouding her judgement gaining the barest state of lucidity in recognising that the silence that commenced stemmed from her –not his - own denial.
Her visit to the Fourth was a blur as she responded to the psychiatric testing on auto-pilot, too distracted by the usual conversational topic failure that resulted in a routine one-sided cold war for days. The Tenth division office was a welcome sight, where Matsumoto dove into her replenished stash and proceeded inhale alcohol. It was not before long before she was sprawled across her desk in an undignified heap, face plastered against paperwork that Gosuke had painstakingly completed.
It was then that her captain responded in a muted voice laced with undertones of guilt.
“You have ruined your life for mine.”
If alcohol was not clogging her system, the duo would have done a heart-to-heart. A myriad of emotions would bubble within Matsumoto for her Taichou was finally willing to broach on this sensitive topic after nearly two centuries of silence. But as she teetered at the edge of unconsciousness, Matsumoto could only force her stalled verbal mechanisms to convey her feelings all while struggling to keep the slur out of her speech.
“My loyalty… lies with you before Soul Society,” she murmured, determination seeping through the partial coherency of her words, “And… if that means being crazy, then so be it. It was my decision from the start.”
The air seemed to shift as a cool breeze enveloped her in an embrace.
She knew better, but just for once - Matsumoto thought before slipping into oblivion - let it be otherwise.
End of “In living Memory”
Felt that I was broaching on certain debatable topics - In addition to the nature of Hitsugaya’s death, I was also wondering about the state of Matsumoto’s mind. For her to fabricate Histugaya’s negative responses (e.g. Simple, just talking to deadpeople) may have different implications. If she were lucid, totally “sane”, his negative responses might reflect her actual feeling, that he could be dead, that he was ruining her life/career. If she were insane, we’ll have to question the degree of insanity. To imagine Hitsugaya’s responses down to the dot either meant that she developed a split personality or plunged off the deep end, hearing voices and all.
In my fics, Yamamoto is portrayed as a smarter and more sympathetic leader. The anime/manga makes him too stupid and useless.
Matsumoto is a weeeeeeeeee bit OOC here.
I had 2 ideas on Hitsugaya’s death and I prefer my other idea a lot more(I haven’t expressed it in words yet). I haven’t decided on the title yet, but it pertains to how Matsumoto views Hitsugaya’s label of ‘heavenly guardian’ as a curse.
After 1 year of stalling, "In Living Memory" is finally done!!! Yeah! Wanted to post it in a Hitsu/Matsu fic community but I can't seem to find an active one so shameless advertizing has to be done in my obscure LJ account.
Title: In Living Memory
Summary: Nearly two hundred years on, reputation of the Tenth division is in the doldrums. Friendship-fic
Extra note: Exploration of Hitsugaya's powers, death, communications; and notions of an individual's mental stability -> Sociology has seriously corrupted my mind
Extra extra note: I know I am supposed to update "Wrath of Sorcerers". Forgive me!!!
Now to complete the remaining fics - 1 bleach, 1 bleach/HP, 1 KHR, 1 Naruto, 1 CCS/HP - in 7 months. Impossible. Who am I kidding? Am trying to kill myself by attempting a Hikaru no Go fic. Omgawd. Will probably scrap the KHR, Naruto and Bleach/HP even though I have already started on them. Have to finish the last chapter of "Wrath of Sorcerers". The readers are already after my blood for slow updates.
It has been 4 years since I last posted a bleach fanfic, and the changes in my writing has been stark - to say the least. Figured that this fic won't be as popular among the bleach crowd as they tend to lean towards humour than supernatural or angst, but I had to get this fic out of my system. At least, I have the comfort of knowing that my less than normal plots/ideas are stored in ffic.net archives, providing fans of those genres/ideas an avenue to for reading.
That being said, I got this feeling over the last few years that the preference of Bleach fanfic.net readers is rapidly diversifying. Hitsugaya pairings for example are increasing in variety, thus thinning supporters of a particular fandom/pairing. Hitsu x Matsu fans weren't many to begin with T_T I will mostly likely stop writing Bleach fics for awhile after completing my last Bleach fic. Will announce my partial retirement when the time comes.But the idea of writing Hikaru no Go fics is starting to grow on me. A lot.
And can anybody give me some guidance on fic writing competitions? I have searching them for quite some time now (in particular CCS/HP and Bleach) but prominent fic contests are not surfacing on my radar...
I've disappeared for weeks... only surfacing just recently to express my horror at KHR's failling plot at makeste's weekly KHR commentary. Reasons for my disappearance are aplenty: my life was pretty much hectic in the past few weeks. Ended my internship, whisked off for an extremely short holiday, started school, anime/manga flooding... basically, I had a lot to think about (final year project, job prospects, company culture, fanfiction, manga, anime, anime, anime...) and I get overwhelmed periodically. Staying true to my earlier decisions, I won't reveal much about realities that are biting me in the ass. Or maybe I am just a lazy ass.
Whatever it is, I have to admit that I was consuming anime like crazy for the past few weeks. During my short holiday, I bought a couple of anime titles and using my sister's laptop, I indulged in anime marathons every night till 1 am at the hotel. And since I'm pretty guilty about MIAing for the past few weeks, I've decided to give Shonen Onmyouji fans something to cheer about.
I know this is not a new anime but surprisingly, this title is not on the radar of many anime fans. Story summary in a sentence: Abe no Masahiro aims to step out of his grandfather's shadow by becoming the best onmyouji ever. Cheesy & cliche summary? I assure you the story is anything but. However, at 1.37am, I am far too tired and lazy to present you a convincing case on how Shonen Onmyouji is worth your time. I will just emphasize that the plot has a healthy amount of charcter torture/angst. I'm not even going to elaborate on the potential yaoiness of this title.
This anime was adapted from the novel, which spans across 26 volumes and 5 (or is it 6) arcs. Thankfully, the novel is fantastic - which means that after going through the usual plot butchering, the anime - praise the heavens - doesn't suck... that much. Like 'The Twelve Kingdoms', the anime of Shonen Onmyouji has a rather accurate portrayal of the novel plot. The anime however, covers only 2 arcs - the Kyuki arc & Kazane arc.
Que MAJOR SPOILERS ALERT
The first arc - vol 1 to 3 - features demon Kyuki's desire for Masahiro's spiritual strength/reserves for wound remedy (aka have Masahiro for breakfast). The second arc- vol 4 to 8 - centres round the resurfacing of Semei's (Masahiro's grandfather) old enemy. The Lord of the hell fire Guren, Masahiro's guardian aka close friend aka potential yaoi pairing in fanfic world, turned evil and Masahiro as a result is forced to kill him and yadda yadda (typical shonen shit). Anime/ 2ne Arc ends with (1) Guren lost all memories of Masahiro & (2) Masahiro was revived by his grandmama. As a side note, Masahiro has died twice, periodically bordered death, and sustained severe injuries countless of times in a short span of two arcs (26 episodes). Granted, the anime is a lot milder than the novel or drama CD. Ratings for the latter two should be bumped higher - I mean when Masahiro suffers, he seriously goes through the mill man. The anime just breezes past his angsty periods.
Back to my previous point, fangals, as expected, will be hurling profanities at the shitty, half-assed ending. Though it isn't much, I'm presenting Shonen Onmyouji fans certain resources to ensure plot continuity.
http://zips-17.livejournal.com/?skip=10
Zips 17 provides novel translations of the beginning of the third arc from bk 9 chapter 1 to chapter 6 part 3.
http://community.livejournal.com/shounen
http://shounen-onmyouji.deviantart.com/g
The translations for the rest of book 9 can be found in these two sites.
After you are done reading book 9, do listen - you have to, phppsmss commands you to! - to the drama CDs (vol 9). Downloads from english sites are a PAIN IN THE ASS (stupid torrents), so I went to baidu and started unearthing, killing my brains along the way. Be grateful to phppsmss!
http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=200524640
This forum provides you three links to vol 9 Shonen Onmyouji drama. For those who are clueless as to how chinese sites roll, lemme give you a short tutorial. You will see download links like this (part 1, 2, 3 of vol 9 drama) when you click the URL above
The download links will lead you to a filehosting site (similar to megaupload, mediafire). The string of numbers aren't mumbo jumbo. They are security codes for file downloads. Yes, chinese file hosting sites, or at least this one, requires a 16 DIGIT NUMERICAL CODE. WTH. Well at least you can download the damn thing, unlike coughmegauploadcough.
The page will refresh and look as if you haven't done shit. Essentially, the site is "unlocked" and ready for download. Scroll down and click on this freaking small link as shown below (I got conned by the site repeatedly and thought that it didn't register my security code with its repeated page refreshing. It took me 45 min to snap out of my repeated keying in of security code to locate that tiny download link.)
Internet explorer users - please click the black link. For users of other browers, click the red one. Vol 9 drama downloads are in wma, not mp3.
You have to crawl through the english sites for drama cds of the earlier volumes. I find it pretty redundant, for now, to listen to them when you can watch the anime. (but then again, I have the first volume of shonen onmyouji drama in my com, ahaha). Unforutnately, the english translation for vol 10 to 26 is unavaliable. I haven't checked if the drama cds are avaliable - most probably not. For those who can read chinese, the full series is avaliable at http://book.sky-fire.com/Novel/2634/Main
In my recent friending frenzy, I realized that I was an unknown, random entity on the radar of many LJ users. People were asking who I was and I would imagine, who the hell has such a retarded username?
Perfectly valid questions/concerns and I plan to address them accordingly.
Phppsmss is a retarded name, I give you that. This username was spawned when my idiocy leaked out of my ears nearly a decade ago, in the advent of the internet era. Frustrated by the repeated failure of obtaining any coherent sounding username, I stuffed the names of 2 institutions in my country together in a moment of folly and phppsmss was born. I got used to it overtime and the username stuck with me throughout the years. These days, it is even recognised, by me, as a truly unique name and I will never have to worry about avaliability of usernames ever.
I am a fanfiction writer/reader/junkie through and through. Having spent 90% of my internet surfing time prowling along the hallways of fanfiction.net for the past... 8 years and counting (yep, am a veteran in ff.net, wahaha), alongside with drowning in manga/anime, it is a given that I barely have time for anything else - blogging included.
This blog was establish XXX years ago and I do log in and clear the layers of dust off my homepage once in a blue moon. On particular great days, I would bestow a short entry or two and proceed to forget about its existence for another month and the vicious circle repeats. My discovery of KHR nearly 2 years ago shook the system. Upon realizing that LJ offers quality KHR fanfics that were in some ways superior than ff.net, I began to allocate more time on LJ. Half a year ago, when KHR weekly manga chapter reviews was uncovered, my engagement in LJ shot up exponentially. It was around that time when I, as a rabid KHR fan, started reaching out to LJ users in hopes of fostering a healthy anime discussion culture.
Additional details:
My blog is predominantly an anime/manga ranting/gushing/etc blog. Like plenty of other LJ users, I am fiercely protective of my privacy. It took me A LONG TIME before I convinced myself that uploading my pictures (with my face) on facebook is not a highly risky venture (it will be a cold day in hell before I do the same for my blog). Currently, I boast an accomplishment of uploading 4 photos since the establishment of my facebook account years ago.
The rest of the 144 are tagged.
I rarely rant about my daily life and I NEVER EVER post any personal attacks/similar acts of stupidity on my blog. Granted, with a little effort, users can uncover my nationality, estimated age, school and probably bare snipets of my daily life... but thats about it.
As mentioned earlier, I am a fanfiction writer - a bloody slow one at that - and I proclaim, without a hint of embarassment, that my story plots are good, if not awesome (there is something seriously wrong with me if I can produce quality plots after 8 years in ff.net). BUT... my language leaves a lot more to be desired. 5 years ago, my language was grovelling between bullshit and a bucket of suck. FF.net was one of the main contributing factors to my improvement in language. These days, my language is a little bit above average but there is still A LOT of room for improvement (as told by counterparts).
[I am not gonna do hardselling in my LJ post, but just as an FYI, I have a CCS/HP, 3 bleach fics under my belt/ff.net acc. Currently pending are 2 bleach fics, 1 bleach/HP fic, 1 Naruto fic & 1 KHR fic .] Another side note: I view posting of fics in LJ as the epitome of ffic writing and I haven't got the guts to post one yet.
I don't blog regularly and at present, I will still keep to updating once every fornightly or so. I rarely have the luxury of time to post weekly updates. That being said, I do post comments on my friends' blogs every weekend. So if you are on a lookout for phppsmss in your blog entries, Sunday is the lucky day.
My anime/manga footprints are all over LJ and ff.net. Enough said.
That's the end of my self introduction. :D Do feel free to step forward and self intro and we'll have a smashing great time!
Came back from work with full intent on checking for khr updates and WHAM... onemanga announced that they are gonna close in a wks time.
Omg! Lost my purpose in life! Manga reading is one of my MAIN PURPOSE IN LIFE! (the other is fanfiction reading)
More importantly,
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO HITMAN REBORN? The weekly updates are what helps me tide through the weekdays. T_T
Emailer designed by my sis. I swear we were corrupted by ff.net.
Friend Meme RULES
1. If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I
don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about
each other. Short and sweet or long and detailed, all is good.
2. Comment here with your answers and repost the questionnaire on your own
journal. [I'll answer back on your journal~~~]
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
27) Do you believe in ghosts?
28) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
29) Do you swear a lot?
30) Biggest pet peeve?
31) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
32) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
33) Favourite and least favourite food?
34) Do you believe in God?
35) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
36) Favourite band(s) of ALL time:
I've waited for 134694 years to catch a glimpse of TYL Tsuna's face and all I've got are a sleek pair of pants and some branded Italian shoes that were probably hauled from the black market by Gokudera .
That's it. I'm revolting.
